What I've Learned about Forever

HELLO. The daily E went from weekly, to monthly, to like once in a blue moon. But I am still here, and I am more than ready to be back. So if anyone is still there, I suggest you tune in now :)

Phew. Okay, where do I even begin? SO much has happened. Before I flood you with pictures and dumb little stories you probably don't need to know, I want to share my experience over the past several months. It is something I hold so dear to my heart, and it has taken me days and weeks to learn and accept. Also since this is like my journal, I feel the need to write it all down... combined with this sliver of hope that it will relieve me. So, here we go...

Ever since I was a kid, I NEVER, like ever had any desire of wanting to serve a mission. I just always, always felt like it wasn't for me, and I was okay with that. I just would always joke with myself that "I am just going to grow up and get married so I don't have to take care of myself anymore." But, then I moved away to school and my whole life changed (as I am sure many people's does). Suddenly, a mission became the only thing I could think about. There were several days where I began feeling prompted that I needed to serve a mission. Those days started to become very consistent, and only felt more and more real. So the prayers and fasting all began, and for the longest time I felt like I wasn't getting any form of answer. I would have weeks where I felt 100% sure that was what I needed to do, and then there would be weeks where I was 100% sure it absolutely wasn't for me. I spent countless nights on my knees and countless silent prayers wanting an answer. This continued for several months, and I just wanted to rip my hair out.

So January came around and the prayers continued, and still nothing was happening, I decided to start my papers in hopes that maybe I would receive any form of an answer. So as I did, I felt impressed to stop, and felt as though a mission was not for me. FINALLY. I don't know if it was necessarily the answer I wanted, but I was just relieved to have gotten an answer. So I put my life together and made a plan for what I hoped would come next. A couple of months later, I was out for a run and I felt the most distinct prompting that I need to go and serve a mission. At first, I just wanted to scream. So for a couple of days I just went about my normal routine hoping that maybe it was just the run. But one night, after several events, and probably a few tears I was completely overwhelmed with the Spirit and knew that I needed to go. I went home that night, finished my papers, and went to the doctor and the dentist the following day and hit submit. I met with my bishop the next day, and made an appointment with the Stake President for the next week. It all happened so quickly, and so perfectly that I honestly could not deny that it needed to happen. However, my heart was at an absolute panic.

So, its Tuesday of the following week and I have my interview with my Stake President. My heart had never been so ready for anything. I was absolutely terrified, but I was also filled with so much peace knowing that I was doing exactly what He needed me to do. So after a very heart wrenching interview filled with tears and testimonies the Stake President said "Sister Duncan, you are ready, you are worthy, you are qualified, and you would be an incredible missionary. But give me tonight to think and pray about it, and I will give you a call tomorrow." So I went home that night, so so very turned and flustered with anxiety. Seriously just waiting for this call from the President.

So finally it came, I was only hoping for the best. But in the moment I heard what sounded like the worst. He said,

       "Well would you like me to tell you over the phone, or would you like to come into my office?" 

I think maybe it would have been better to talk in person, but I just wanted to KNOW and serve a mission so freaking badly, so I asked him to just go ahead:

"Sister Duncan, for whatever reason, and for some reasons we discussed last night I feel as though you need to wait a year. And I have felt the smallest, yet very strong prompting that you are to stay here and get married."

You guys, my heart was crushed. I felt like I had been slapped across the face. Suddenly everything that I thought felt so right, was wrong. For so long I had been building up this excitement and energy to serve, and I wanted nothing more than for a big white envelope addressed to Sister Ellsie Duncan. I began wishing that I could go back to when I didn't have an answer because that sounded a lot better than having to be told I couldn't go. For that night, and for that week, and for quite some time I was angry, I was bitter, and I was exhausted. And I'm pretty sure the only thing I did was cry. Because the one thing that I wanted more than anything was to serve a mission, and I simply couldn't.

So with like a day left a school, and not a plan for the summer and NOT a clue what should come next, because clearly it wasn't a mission. I packed my life up and moved to Provo. Why? No idea. How is it? Awful. I hate Provo. To this day I still don't really know why I am here, but there was a time where it had felt right, and well now I'm just waiting for that feeling of right to come back. So I spent the next couple of months kind of just getting back on my feet, trying to be who and find where He needs me to be right now, and learning to trust more in Him than myself. 

So here I am in Provo. Literally what feels like ALL of my friends, are either gone on missions or getting married. And so I just work. Work and work and work. Then this one week, I had many, many very similar promptings that I need to serve a mission, and I need to go now. So again, for that week, I kind of just blew it off thinking it was kind of just my mind and wanting to run away from the problems that "real life" gave you.  Then this one Sunday, I was sitting in Sacrament Meeting, and had an overwhelming feeling that Ellie, GO. And in that very moment I knew with my whole heart that I was to GO, and serve. So not having a clue what in the world I was doing, I made an appointment with my Bishop (new bishop, new ward, new try) for round 2 of mission papers. That same Sunday, I met with him, told him kind of my whole story, and why I wanted to serve (however, I didn't mention the whole Stake President thing down in Cedar, if he were to ask me, I would have been honest, but didn't feel like I needed to bring it up, so this bishop had no idea that any of that happened down in Cedar). And as soon as I finished my whole mouth full, the Bishop looked and me and said,

"Sister Duncan, I am going to be blunt and honest with you. A mission is not for you, not now, not ever. There is the smallest sliver and prompting that you are supposed to stay here and get married." 

ARE YOU KIDDING ME. I had 2 priesthood holders tell me the exact same thing. They had received the exact same prompting even though it was miles, hours, and months apart. So what do you do?  Well I just cried. It is so SO hard to trust someone else's revelation more than your own, even when they have the authority to do so. But there is absolutely nothing I can do about serving a mission without their consent. So for like a day I let the bitter anger build up, but wanted nothing more than to just be happy and feel at peace.

So... today. There are still many times where I still feel and wish with my whole being that I could be out serving the Lord as a missionary. I still don't know all the reasons why I was told to wait a year, or why I am not supposed to be serving, and I don't know if I will ever know those reasons in this life. But for whatever reason it might be, and for whatever comes next, I know without a doubt that the Lord has other plans for me. And His plan is far far better than my own.

It has taken a lot for me to get to where I am now. But I also have learned so much. I have come to know my Savior far more than ever before. I have come to know the reality and divine need for His hand in our lives now, and for forever. But most of all, I have learned that everyone's forever is so different yet so perfect. Heavenly Father created an absolute perfect plan for each and every one of us. He knows what we need to experience, what we need to learn, and He knows the most perfect way for us to get there. And this plan that He has created for you, for me, will get us exactly where we want to be. His plan, and His forever is far better than any happily ever after fairytale.

So for now, and for forever, I hope and pray and have faith in His plan, and His forever that is planned just for me. I know without a doubt that my Savior lives, and that He loves me. I know that the Atonement is real and that it works. I know that we are here, to learn and grow and become like Him, and He wants more than anything to return and live with Him. I anxiously await the day when I can fall down at His feet and BE with Him. I know as we are here, we must find joy in the journey. Soak in every opportunity, and blessing that we receive. I stand in awe, and complete gratitude that we don't have to go through this life alone, EVER. How blessed, and how lucky we are to be here and to be alive and to have Him. Always.

"... the Lord is blessing you and leading you. Sometimes from the front. Sometimes from the side. Sometimes from the rear. But He is always there."- my Kim Cherr

I know that Heavenly Father wants me and He wants YOU, now and for forever.

xoxo,
ellie d.

Hallelujah

I am going to just save all the apologies, and just say... READ this. 

What a life we have to live. My heart is so full of gratitude, love, and excitement. I am beyond grateful for the memories, and the people I have come to know while here at school. I have learned so much about myself, about others, and most importantly about my Savior.

Guess what? I am almost done with my first year of college. CRAZY. I think it has been THE hardest semester of my life, but I honestly would not have had it any other way. So let me fill you in on the last few months of this wild life...

First, my life has been consumed with studying anatomy, and actually anatomy not just cute boys anatomy ;) Who knew you had so many muscles in your body, and how many little functions they each had. What I find even more crazy is how perfectly our bodies and its functions work together just right so they stay alive. Our bodies are some incredible miracles, and if that doesn't prove to you that God exists, I don't know what could.
Second, I spend almost every other minute doing chemistry. But luckily this is my favorite chemistry class that I have ever taken.
Third, finally after hours of chemistry, anatomy, and class, I practice piano. I decided to take piano lessons this semester, and I think it was either the worst or the best decision I made. I am learning more than I have in years of lessons, but it is HARD. Also, you find yourself practicing a heck of a lot more when its for a grade.
Fourth, in between all the school I get to spend my time with some of my most favorite people on this planet. And it never fails to disappoint.

> KB came to visit!! It was the biggest, and greatest surprise. It was only for a day, but any minute spent with KB is a minute well spent.

> For Valentine's Day, my family drove over, and we got to party at the cabin. Best Valentine's Day spent with THE best family. 

> The following weekend was Balloons and Tunes down in Kanab. Torri, Abby, Isabella, Keaton and I got to spend the weekend learning more about hot air balloons than I ever thought I would know. We got to join a crew, and help them set up their balloon. It was one heck of an experience, and a beautiful sight. And Torri is still the coolest person I know and I am so grateful she is my sister.

> 2 of my favorite things in this life are sunrises, and hiking. One day, I got the best of both worlds and hiked Angels Landing at sunrise. This earth and this life is so beautiful.

> Lindsay turned 19!! Birthday's are my favorite holidays. And Lindsay is one of my most favorite people. The whole day was spent celebrating with good breakfast, tacos, and ice cream. I am so grateful Linds was born, and even more grateful that I know her. She is THE best of the best.

>  SPRING BREAK. I would probably need 5 blog posts alone to give my Spring Break enough credit. But listen, first I wish everyone had a Kim Cherry in their life, and then when they move away, they can go spend their week in a place like Astoria and in the heart in Kim Cherry and get a little taste of heaven. A week near the ocean, and a week of Kim Cherry was very much needed for MY soul. I am so SO grateful for the testimony, example and love that Kim has for me, for this life and for our Savior. So yes you can enjoy the pictures, but I can assure you, your time would be far better spent finding your own Kim Cherry. And try for one that lives in a dreamy place, because that also has its perks. 

Left-Me and the sea; Middle-the dreamy walk to the beach; Right-Ben & Ky were cute matching

Left- view of Astoria and the bridge from the top of the column (you see seals and whales as you drive across every single day); Middle-Kim & I at the top of the column; Right- the column

Left- Cape Disappointment Lighthouse; Middle- Northhead Lighthouse; Right- just breathe in that ocean view

Left- Seagulls literally ate the bread off of Joe's hat; Middle- Jamie and Kim and Hunters; Right- THE Cannon Beach

Left- Is that not a dreamy sight?; Middle- Tillamook Factory had really good cheese and great photo opts; Right- pretty sure I ate grilled cheese and soup every day for lunch and it never got old.

Left- Cathedral Park; Middle- BEST ice cream I have ever tasted (Salt & Straw is a must if you go to Portland); Right- St. Johns Bridge and my favorite Kim Cherry

Left- Leadbetter Beach; Middle-hike to Leadbetter beach aka the enchanted forest; Right- found a whole sand dollar

These pictures barely skim the surface of this trip. I wish I had all the words, and time to share everything. But again, doing it for yourself is probably better anyways. 

> JELLIES. Remember when you were 5 and wore these? Probably in lots of fun colors and they were probably only a dollar? Well, its time to bring them back ;)

> Home Sweet Home. Ever since I have moved away from home I often find myself wanting and yearning to just be in the presence of my parents, even if it just means sitting on the couch. There is something about just being WITH them, and I wish I had a whole lot more time of that. But I will gladly take any second that I can get. I got a weekend with my parents, a road trip and tour of Denver with Lindsay, AND Deb's farewell. I don't think it could get any better. 

Take a hike in Colorado, have a really cool dad, and have a rocking best friend. It will never disappoint.

Things to do in Downtown Denver, ride cute red bikes, take a good stop at Little Man Ice Cream, and smile.

Okay, my heart. I have never met a more lovely, talented, exciting, caring, and spiritual woman in my life. I am grateful to know such a soul and to call her my best friend. Budapest is about to get one heck of missionary.

> Spring Break Round 3! Easter weekend was held in Page, Arizona. Lindsay took me to her side of town, and it was so lovely. Saturday, we watched her sister beat school records at her track meet, ate delicious calzones, saw Horseshoe Bend which was absolutely surreal, spent hours on the docks of Lake Powell, and of course nail party. Sunday, we woke up bright and early and searched for easter eggs, got all your easter treats and goods, enjoyed a lovely sacrament meeting, and then ate our hearts out with so much good and home cooked meals. 

I never realized how much a home could mean until I left mine. Its the little things you miss the very most. Home cooked meals, clean dishes, a clean home will never go unthanked again. Also, I just about cried my eyes out as Lindsay's mom even made me an Easter basket.

Guys, let me just tell you how much I love Lindsay... A LOT. Everyone needs a friend like her, but obviously not her, because she's mine.

> DUCKS. Here's a little secret... Keaton and I bought baby ducks. Yes, they are the cutest things in the world, and yes we have no idea what we are going to do with them. Most days, I still don't how on earth I convinced Keaton to let us buy them. But we have them, and we love them. We take them on walks, and taught them to swim. However, we are still working on the potty training ;)

> The Denver Duncans in Cedar City. You guys, I think... actually I know that I am the luckiest. I am so grateful that I have parents who love me, who know me, and who want me. Most of all, I am grateful for parents who would do absolutely anything for me, even when I'm 598 miles away. This time, I needed them with me. And guess what, they came. That meant, I got to spend an entire weekend with my most favorite people on this planet, and it was DREAMY. So listen, always love your parents, and be sure to always thank them. I am so grateful I get mine for an eternity. 

Bonus: we got to play lots of racquetball, wallyball, and spent hours on the rock wall and outside. 

Phew. I just about got it all. Just kidding, but for now this will do. Stay tuned, because the next post will be up shortly, and its going to be a good one. More duck updates, more tears, and more laughs. 

You know how you always hear people say "that life never goes like you planned"? Well I think I wanted to believe that would never be me... for some reason I thought I could dodge the bullet and life would be just the way I had planned it to be, or at least pretty dang close. But, unfortunately its not. NOT at all. Turns out everyone who says that, is exactly right. I am learning that more and more every single day. But I am also learning that it is OKAY. In fact I believe that it is more than okay, it is far far better. 

I have come to realize, and gain a testimony of our Savior's plan for us. His plan might not be our favorite plan, or most convenient, but it is always ALWAYS better. He knows us better than we will ever know ourselves. I have become overwhelmed with gratitude for the plan that my Savior has for ME. I am so grateful to know that as I put my trust in Him and align my will with His, I can be truly happy. I am so grateful to know that I don't have to suffer through this life alone. I am so grateful that He gave me such loving parents, and friends that will love me regardless. I am grateful for the trials that I face that test my faith, and allow me to grow closer to Him. 

As I have sat, cried, and prayed, my heart has been truly filled with love and gratitude. I found myself speechless, and in awe at the love my Savior has for me and for this life that I get to live. I found myself being able to only simply cry out a hallelujah. 

Because of Him, I get to have eternal life. Hallelujah.

Because of Him, my family is forever. Hallelujah.

Because of Him, I can find true peace. Hallelujah. 

Because of Him, I never have to be alone. Hallelujah. 

Because of Him, I will always be enough. Hallelujah. 

Because of Him, I know who I am, and whose I am. Hallelujah. 

Because of Him, I have a purpose, a divine purpose. Hallelujah. 

Because of Him, I have a perfect plan to follow. Hallelujah. 

Because of Him, I can be happy. Always. Hallelujah. 

I hope and pray that we can all find the tender mercies of our Savior. Continue to put your trust in Him, and submit your will to His. And at the end of everyday, cry out a hallelujah because He lives, and He loves us. 

xoxo, 

ellie d.

Take Upon the Name of Christ

Remember how I said that my number one New Year's resolution was to blog more, or actually just on time? Well truth is, I don't actually believe in resolutions, and so maybe that's why I haven't gotten any better yet, but I'm working on it. And I will probably be working on it the rest of my life. So anyways, if ya missed me, here it is!

It has only been a month into this semester, but it is by far one of the hardest, and most exhausting semesters of my life. Unfortunately I don't have many pictures or a quality memory to remember many of the things that I have done, and quite honestly I haven't done very much. Throughout the week, I feel like I am almost drowning in trying to keep on my homework and classes. The days seem to never end, and the nights are never long enough. By the time the weekend comes around, I am exhausted. So I don't do quite so many crazy and exciting things anymore. But I will give you what I got. And for all the empty spots, probably just paint yourself a picture of me in the library most likely doing Chemistry ;)

Saturday, January 9th

I spent what felt like my whole Christmas break skiing. So what did I do the first weekend back in Cedar? Skiing. We have the cutest, and very small resort called BrianHead. So Keaton, Talon, Lindsay and I headed to the mountains. It was Lindsay's first time skiing, or doing any snow sport for that matter, and it was HILARIOUS. And so so fun. I love Linds, and the boys, and skiing. How much better could it get?

If you look close enough, you can see Lindsay and Talon in background behind us. 

Hitting a tree is almost guaranteed your first time skiing, or maybe just if your Linds ;)
 

Sunday, January 10th

You might think I'm going to preach to you some spiritual experience... but I'm not. Unfortunately, Keaton and I spent the day in the ER. Turns out that my Keats had a very severe case of Tonsillitis and was pumped full of all the drugs. We spent the next week eating soup and ice cream... mostly ice cream. 

I am so grateful for medicine, and for our bodies. I am grateful for my health, and for ice cream. 

It was a Tuesday

Keaton and I matched on accident, and so we went and ate tacos on Tuesday to celebrate. We may or may not go eat tacos every Tuesday....

Saturday, January 18th

Keaton, Talon and I spent another blissful day on the mountain in snow. I only lost them every run down the mountain, and could only do like 2 of the tricks that they could. But its okay, I made them sandwiches so...

Saturday, January 23rd

We woke up real late, and made a yummy breakfast of biscuits and omelets. The breakfast of champions.

The snow on the slopes was sucky, so we went snowshoeing! The weather was beautiful, the snow was great and view was absolutely perfect. The company was pretty great too I guess...

Here are some other highlights that happened, but I just don't remember the days.

Lindsay and I made the yummiest fruit pizza.

Talking and FaceTiming KB is always a highlight.

Curling Keaton's Jedi braid. Its almost as long as my hair now!

Okay, this is BIG and I don't have a picture... but Deb got her mission call. FINALLY. She is called to serve the people of Budapest, Hungary and leaves April 13th. I have never been so proud, and excited for Deb. I am forever grateful for her testimony and for her example in my life. 

Finally, this weekend. Friday night an acappella group that was on Pitch Perfect 2 called Fillharmonic came preformed here at SUU. So Keaton and I went and sang and danced our hearts away. Saturday was spent doing lots of cleaning and sleeping. And well today, Sunday. Sunday's are by far my favorite day of every week. I am so grateful that we have the opportunity to take the sacrament and renew our covenants each week. I am grateful for the spirit that can be felt, and for that same spirit that gets me through the week. 

The other day was a particularly hard day. A day where I had let Satan win and I had been defeated. As I sat down to read my scriptures and say my prayers, I opened up to Mosiah 5. I think within minutes I was in tears. 

I think that this life is the hardest thing we will ever have to do. We are here to be tested and tried, and in order to make it through and return to Him, we must KNOW Him. I believe that in order to truly come and to know God, we must always remember who we are, and whose we are. Mosiah 5:8 reads, "and there is no other head whereby ye can be made free. There is no other name given whereby salvation cometh; therefore, I would that ye should take upon you the name of Christ, all you that have entered into the covenant with God that ye should be obedient unto the end of your lives."

King Benjamin goes onto to say, "I would that ye should remember to retain the name written always in your hearts." (Mosiah 5:12)

What name is written in your heart? What name is written in MY heart?

He is. 

Being His and having His "name written always in my heart", means that I have taken upon myself the name of Christ, and I have made a covenant with Him to follow Him, to keep His commandments, and to do good continually. At the end of this life, I want to be able to stand on the right hand of God. I want to remember the name by which I am called. I want to remember and know that I lived everyday knowing who I am, and whose I am. We must face the adversary straight on, faith unwavering, and always having hope in what lies ahead. We must continually repent and receive "a mighty change in us, or in our hearts, that we have no more disposition to do evil, but to do good continually."And if you don't have that mighty change or have lost it, keep praying, and keep trying until you do. 

My favorite from Mosiah 5, is verse 15; "Therefore, I would that ye should be steadfast and immovable, always abounding in good works, that Christ, the Lord God Omnipotent, may seal you His, that you may be brought to heaven, that ye may have everlasting salvation and eternal life, through the wisdom, and power, and justice, and mercy of Him who created all things, in heaven, and in earth, who is God above all"

I am so grateful for this gospel, and for my Savior. I am grateful to know that I am His, and that because of Him, and through Him I can one day return to live with Him. I am grateful that I can find greater meaning in this life, and the trials that I face because of this gospel and because of Him. I am grateful for the people in my life, and for their endless love and support. There is absolutely no place I would rather be.

I hope that as we take upon the name of Christ, we will always remember who we are, and whose we are. 

xoxo, 

ellie d.

Let Him Be Real

Phew. You might have thought I died or fell off the earth, BUT... I didn't. Luckily I am still living and dreaming. I seemed to have let the hustle and bustle of life, and holidays get the best of me. SO... let me give you the highlights:

Friendsgiving

Thanksgiving Dinner + Friends = Friendsgiving
I am so grateful to be surrounded by some of the greatest people I have ever met. I absolutely adore every single one of these souls, and I am grateful we can enjoy good food, and a real good life together.

Thanksgiving Break
I was counting down the hours and the minutes until Thanksgiving Break. It was the first time that I got to go home since August. And it could not have come at a better time, because more than ever I needed my mom, my dad, and my Deb. I needed home. Well, that was exactly what I got. It was a perfect 5 days filled with love, laughter, peace and pure joy.
First, a much needed temple trip with my girls. There is no better place to be, and no better people to be with. What I would give to spend every morning like this.

Second, Thanksgiving Day. We started out with the traditional 5K in a whole 17 degree weather. It was freezing. In fact, it was so cold that for the first time in my entire life we did NOT go waterskiing on Thanksgiving. It was even too cold for my father... crazy right?!? But the rest of the day was filled with loads of delicious food. In the evening real good family friends came and we stuffed our faces with pie, and played rounds and rounds of Big Booty. So much food, and so much laughter in one day... what more do you really need?

Third, Christmas Tree cutting. I think that Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday, and my favorite holiday to be home for because of the traditions my family has made, more specifically, going to cut down our Christmas tree. Ever since I can remember, we always skip out on the Black Friday craze and run to the mountains to find THE perfect tree. This quite possibly could my favorite day of the entire year.

Fourth, first ski day of the year. I love skiing, snow and winter. I am so grateful I live in a place where all 3 are absolutely beautiful. 

My Birthday

I absolutely love birthdays... however, I suck at celebrating my own. And quite honestly, I was worried that my friends would forget, or maybe just find birthdays as exciting as I do. But I was greatly mistaken, and next thing I knew my birthday became Sexta Festa (Sexta Festa basically means party in Portuguese) and an entire weekend of partying.

Friday after classes we drove up to Salt Lake for Temple Square Christmas lights and I absolutely adored it. I love the peace, the spirit, and pure joy that can be felt there. There was no where else I would have rather been. After a lovely walk, we went to Tucano's for dinner... and it was heavenly. SO much really, really good food. 

Saturday, on my actual birthday... the only thing I wanted to do was go hiking. So Keaton and I took off to Zion National Park and hiked to Observation Point for a perfect sunset watch. We popped champagne (but not actually champagne just Martinelli's) at the top, watched the sunset, and didn't even freeze our bums off. It was beautiful, and all of my favorite things. 

First Semester of College: CHECK. 

It was probably one of the hardest, craziest, yet most exciting 4 months of my life. I learned more about myself, others, and most importantly my Savior than I have ever before. I think I both cried, and laughed more than ever before. Having to say goodbye to KB was probably one of the saddest, and hardest things I have ever had to do. But none the less, I am alive and I am happy. I was so happy to be going home and to spend time with my family. 

To spare you the reading and myself the writing, I'll keep it short for Christmas break. My break consisted of lots of really good food, lots of laughing, catching up on all my lost sleep, and skiing. SO much skiing. So, just look at the pictures, and write your own story about it ;) 

You know when people say that life will never go as expected? Well I feel a little bit like I am starting to understand that, and realize that for myself. I have never been more grateful, and more ready for a new year. I am so, so excited. I can't wait to see where I go, and for everything that will happen. But also, I don't think I have ever been so scared. Quite honestly, I have no clue what lies ahead of me. I am afraid of all the decisions and choices I am going to have to make. I found myself down on my knees in tears more often than ever before. I have found myself feeling inadequate and never enough for this crazy ride called life. There have been many times, where giving up sounds a whole lot easier. But every single time, I am reminded that my father in Heaven loves ME. He knows me by name, and He knows my desires and my wants. He will never, ever give up on me. He will always be there, and I will ALWAYS be enough for Him. He died, and rose again, and He did it all for me. 

I am so grateful for my Savior. I am grateful that He is real. I am grateful that I get to know Him. I am grateful that I never have to go through this life alone, and I am grateful I know where I want to go. I know that as we let Him into our life and let Him be real, we will find true peace, and infinite happiness. I am so grateful for this life, and that I can be happy.

Let Him into your life. Let Him be real.

xoxo, 

ellie d.

P.S. My #1 New Year Resolution is to blog more. Actually just blog on time. So get ready for it. 

Forget the 99

I am not even going to apologize for being late again, just do me (and hopefully yourself) a favor and read it.

Here are some small highlights from the week of October 25th:
       1. It was the last week of October and time is flying.
       2. Keaton.  Especially taco Tuesdays, laughing, and shopping with Keaton. How can you resist someone who tries to fit in a pillowcase in the middle of Walmart?

       3. We had a dog in our house for the weekend. Totally not allowed, but totally cute.

          

Friday, October 30th: 
So apparently here at SUU, Halloween is celebrated the day before. I'm just kidding, but Friday night was the SCREAM. The biggest, wildest, craziest dance of the year. Keaton and I went as Bugs and Lola from Space Jam. Probably the hottest TuneSquad you would ever see. KB (Nicol) went as a pirate, and she was smoking hot. We danced, laughed, and screamed the night away. To top it all off, we all got a matching tramp stamp. Shhh... don't tell mom. It was definitely one crazy party.

Saturday, October 31st:
Happy Halloween! I honestly hate Halloween. I absolutely love holidays, and I love celebrating, but Halloween just does not do it for me. So... guess what we did?! Homework! Keaton and I kept it real easy. We did homework, went to the football game, shared a snow cone, and cooked a wonderful stir fry dinner. So yes, we were are lame and stayed in our PJs Halloween night... but did I care? Not for a second. I would choose dinner dates with K-Town every night.

Monday, November 2nd:
Happy Dia de Los Muertos!! KB and I celebrated our hearts out and made sugar skulls, ate good bread, and embraced the spanish side of us for a whole day. Isn't it funny that I celebrated Day of the Dead more than Halloween? I think so.

Tuesday, November 3rd:

"When in doubt, Miley it out!" I wore Miley buns and probably listened to Miley and danced all day. But I got the best of both worlds because WaffleLove was in town for the day, and Keaton is my boyfriend. That meant date night, and oh my goodness it was heavenly. Food trucks are so overpriced, but so dreamy.

Some other really good highlights of the week:
       1. It snowed. FINALLY.
       2. Keaton, KB and I got $5 burritos at Costa Vida. Perfect lunch spent with perfect company.

Friday, November 6th:
TDunc came to town!! Sometimes its weird to me that we are at an age where we go visit each other because we live in completely different places. Although I wouldn't change a single second because I am so grateful for Torri, and for her friendship. I am so grateful I get to be stuck with her forever. Friday night we made a yummy dinner, finished up some homework and then partied. Keaton and I took TDunc to 2 Thousand Flushes. I think I have decided thats one of my favorite places here in Cedar.

This picture doesn't quite do justice of what really happened, so let me tell ya. It's November, so its freezing right? Well, that means nothing to these 2 crazies. So we jumped in the water and when I say jumped, they jumped, and Keaton practically threw me in. We froze our little butts off and then stood around the fire until we burned. It was absolutely freezing, but it was worth it. 

Saturday, November 7th:

I believe one of my favorite things to do in this life is hike. And hiking with Torri is even better. We headed down to Zion National Park, and began our trek up Observation Point. It's kind of funny to be in Zion this time of year. Everyone come bundled head to toe, and Torri and I walk around with shorts and tank, so many funny stares. But it was absolutely beautiful. A perfect hike, with a perfect lady. I am so grateful we have a father and mother who taught us to love the outdoors, and each other. 

I sure do love my Torri, and every second spent with her. 

This past week has been absolutely insane. It's crazy that I finish my first semester in less than a month!! So after a long, busy week Friday, November 13th was needed.

After an exhausting and upsetting day of tests, Keaton and I cried for maybe like a minute and sucked it up and made a wonderful little night out of it. We went and bought food to make dinner, and cooked ourselves a real good meal of Chicken Alfredo. We had a little picnic on my floor, drank Martenelli's and played some cute, romantic music. We just ate and talked and laughed. And then we danced, and it was cute and dreamy. Definitely better than the movies. I believe that I am one lucky girl.

I am grateful for Keaton. I am grateful for being able to cook good meals together, and for dancing and laughing. I am grateful for his example, and his testimony. I am grateful for the time we get to spend together and I am grateful I get to date him.

Saturday, November 14th:
There is never a dull a moment when you choose adventure. That is exactly what Keaton and I did. Saturday afternoon, we packed up some sandwiches, snacks and water and headed for Cedar Mountain. We had high hopes of hiking to the "C" up on the mountain. However, things got a little bit funny. First, I thought that the hike was 4.5 miles round trip, but false. It was 4.5 miles up, and then 4.5 down. Second, we started our hike at like 4:30 and sunset is at 5:30. So, Keaton being the thinker that he is brought his headlamp because our hike was soon to be a night hike. So, we hiked and had a couple snowball fights and watched the sunset. It was like all of my favorite things in one single memory, and it was magical. 

As the sun went down, Keaton pulled out his handy little head lamp, but guess what? It was dead! HA! So we kept hiking up in the dark for a little bit longer. By this point, we are a little cold, tired, and well we could hardly see a dang thing. So, after what my watch said had been 4.5 miles, we looked up and still seemed to be miles and miles from the "C". We looked at each other and knew there was no way we are going to make it. So we sat and ate our sandwiches. We were quite confused on where we were and where we missed the trail. We quickly and literally ran back down the mountain and back to the car. We didn't make it to the "C", but we made it back alive and still enjoyed every second of it. So that's what matters. 

Sunday, November 15th:

The past several weeks have been so lovely. I am so grateful to be where I am and to be surrounded by such good people. This past week for Institute, we had the chance to read the parable of the Prodigal Son. In Luke 15:4 it reads,

"What man of you having an hundred sheep, if he lose one of them doth he not leave the ninety and nine in the wilderness, and go after that which is lost, until he find it?"

Our purpose here in this life is to return to live with Him and to prepare to meet God. We have about million other things going on in our lives. There's family, friends, school, tests, callings, laundry, etc. We are faced with trial after trial and our faith is constantly being tested. But listen, "leave the ninety and nine in the wilderness" and focus on the one. Focus on the only one. Focus on who we are, who we must become, and who the Lord needs us to be. Most importantly, focus on returning to live with our Savior. We will face failures, temptations, heartache, and pain. Some days, we might feel as though we can't go anymore, or that we are never as good as we want to be. But I believe, and I know that at the end of everyday, the most important thing we can do every day in this life is prepare ourselves, and become the best we can be so that we can return to live with Him. If it's not something that will bring us closer to God, than it is NOT worth it. 

I want to be the best that I can be so when the time comes, I can worthily enter the temple and become the best person for myself, for my husband, and for my family. Most of all, I want to be the best that I can be for Him. We are the captains of our souls, and we are responsible for our covenants, our actions, our eyes, our hands, and our hearts. We must constantly be practicing who we want to become and who the Lord needs us to become. We must continue on the road back home to our Savior. It may be the road less traveled, but it is the ONLY road paved with happiness and fulfillment. 

I know that my Savior lives, and I know that He loves me. I know that as we keep our eternal focus in mind, and always remember what matters most, than life becomes a whole lot more manageable. In fact, I believe life becomes worth enduring, and worth enjoying. 

I cannot wait to enter the temple, and to make those sacred covenants with my Savior. I cannot wait to get married, and to start a family. I cannot wait for the day when I get to fall down at my Savior's feet, knowing that my journey here on earth is over and that I did all that I was sent here to do. I cannot wait for the day when I get to live with Him forever.

I hope and pray that we can all forget the 99 and focus on one. Focus on Him.

xoxo, 

ellie d.