Do we believe? or Do we know?

First week of college: CHECK.
Well, I made it through my first week of classes. College is so much different than I thought it would be. I entered my first class waiting for this grumpy, rude, old, and frumpy professor to walk in and just start lecturing. But, that never happened. All of my professors are so funny, and so kind, and they care. That my friends, is a benefit of going to a small school... professors who care and know your name.

Really, this week was much, much better than last. I think I cried only once... so really, MUCH better than last.

Monday: I went to classes and braved my whole first day of school without my mom only 10 minutes away. We also had FHE, and we just played games and got to know each other. It is so weird to be a family of only adults. I miss having kids around in my life. Highlight of the day, was walking with Nicol to our last class.

       
Tuesday: I have no classes on Tuesdays! So to be honest with you, I don't even remember what I did. However, highlight of the day was talking to my momma. I miss that lady with my whole heart. We sat and chatted about all things in life, but what killed me most, was to hear about Taegan. He is growing up, and he is becoming a BOY. He likes girls, and gets in fights, and "needs to do things for himself now." I don't think I miss anyone more in this world than that kid. One day he is going to have a REAL good wife.

Wednesday: I went to classes all morning and studied what felt like all afternoon. That night I went to Food & Faith BBQ on campus and then went to Institute. My friends, Institute is a dream. My teacher is so awesome, and hilarious. But also, he knows his stuff. He is brilliant, and has such a raging testimony of the gospel, and our prophet.

Thursday: I also only have one class on Thursdays, so I didn't do much either. I studied, and worked out, and laughed. But, Thursday was Paint the Town Red. They shut down all of Main Street, and SUU clubs, food trucks (aka heaven), and the whole city came out. We partied, we hand printed a wall, danced, and ate really good food. Is your town cool enough to shut down Main Street? I didn't think so.

Friday: I felt as though Friday might not ever come this week. But I went to classes, and I did NOT study because it was the weekend. But night time was quite the adventure. We went to this place called 2000 Flushes. Really it is just this HUGE crater where people used to mine for iron, but over the years the bottom has filled with rain water, and snow. So... what do you do? SWIM! We were swimming at the bottom of this crater in the most perfectly clear water under the moon light and stars. It was absolutely breathtaking and perfect to say the least.

Saturday: The week just kept getting better. We went down to a lake called Sand Hollow. We paddle boarded, went cliff jumping, swam, sun bathed, and our RA brought down his wave runner. It was hours of endless sun-filled bliss. (I was reminded how much I need my mom, especially to tell me to put on sunscreen. I am pretty much a walking lobster.) But it felt like home. Life here in Cedar City, is starting to feel a little bit more like home.

That brings us to today. Never in my life have I looked forward to Sundays more than now. I love being able to go to church, to feel the Spirit, and to be with something that I love so much. I still miss my primary, and seeing so many familiar faces. But church is still church, and it is still so good. 

Today in Sacrament meeting this guy spoke about the difference between knowledge and belief. For so much of our life, I think we go about only believing. We believe the church is true, we believe He lives, we believe in the Book of Mormon. However, there comes a point where we must stop only believing, and we must know. I don't think this knowledge comes all at once, but slowly. I think each time our faith is tested and tried, we go from believing to knowing. Because if we don't know, we won't quite make it. 

Ever since having moved away from home, so much of my faith has been tested... and it has not been easy. I know it has only been like a week, but I feel like I have learned more in 7 days, then I have in 7 years. I feel like I went from believing to knowing in so many aspects of my life. I know that my Savior lives, and I know that He has a plan for me. I know that the gospel is true. I know that I love my parents, and I know that I need them. I know that we are eternally blessed for this world we live in.

I know that this life is SO so good. And I know that I am happy to be in it. 

xoxo, 

ellie d.

The Music of the Gospel

Well, I survived my first week away from home. Sometimes I think it hasn't actually quite hit me that I actually live here. Everything is nothing like I pictured. I forgot how hard it is make new friends again, and to regain what feels like a "place" with those around you. But I met so many new and exciting people, and I'm excited to see where those relationships all go.

Here's a short little synopsis of what I did:

Monday and Tuesday were kind of just "move in" days, and "ball my eyes out" days because I wanted my mom back.

Wednesday was Orientation, or should I say BORIEntation. It was day full of learning lots of logistics about school that honestly probably won't matter. But we did get free lunch, so...

Thursday was the beginning of Thunderbird Academy. It was pretty much Orientation round 2 except with more speakers, more lectures, and more people. However, it was Campus Tie-Dye and so we got shirts to tie dye, and had a dance... all were a blast. And we got even more free food.

Friday was pretty much the EXACT same thing as Thursday, minus the Tie-Dye. So it was just Thursday, with all the fun sucked out of it.

Saturday. Things finally picked up. We had ice cream at the President's house, and met him which was cool. We then had a tailgate party with food, helicopters, and good music. There was a short football scrimmage, and a race between the whole freshman student body versus the football team which was hilarious. And then finally, THE dance. I danced my soul out for like 3 hours and it was beautiful. Saturday was a good day, and might I add the first day, I haven't cried since I have been at school.

I have yet to decide if things are getting easier, and I have no idea where it might be next week. But it was hard, a real hard, and rough week. I cried A LOT. (I think its apart of the "new" me that everyone says you become at college). I miss my home, and coming home to my parents. I miss moms sweet desserts. I miss my bed. I miss Austin and Deb. I miss ME. Because I haven't quite found where I fit, and all the friends I am so used to having. But I know that I will, and all will come. So for now, I am just hanging on.

Okay, well finally to the part that I actually wanted this post to be about, so hopefully you are still reading. Yesterday, being Sunday, I went to church. I don't think I have ever been so excited to go to church, because all week, I knew church would be a place where I could be happy. It's a place where its the same as home, and feels like home. But yesterday, church was for ME. Everyday last week, I was reminded at well the Lord knows me, and yesterday He knew I needed church, and He knew I needed what was shared. Every single minute was absolutely perfect.

In Sacrament, the talks were all about the Atonement, and utilizing the Atonement in our everyday life. I always feel like the Atonement is for only when I have to repent. But its not, not at all. The Atonement is for everyday. It's for when we are alone, when we are happy, when we are sad, and well EVERYTHING. This past week, as I started to feel alone, and when I longed for home so deeply, I would call my mom, or Austin, or just cry it out. But not once, did I think to turn to Him, even though He should be the one that I turn to first. So as I sat there I was reminded of who knows me best. He does. He suffered every pain, so how can I not go to Him? The Atonement is for everyday, and I need Him everyday.

Then Sunday School came and it just kept getting better. We talked about the characteristics of being a disciple of Christ that Paul taught years ago. But more importantly, how it relates to us today. And my friends, it is the same. Whether we lived 2000 years ago, or whether we live today, we are disciples of Christ, and Christ is the same. His gospel, His teachings, and His commandments are the same. The example we are to follow remains the same. Even better, being a disciple will remain the same tomorrow, so I hope we started yesterday.

Lastly, Relief Society. I have to admit, I missed my Primary, and singing time. And, somehow the secret about me knowing how to play the piano got out... Anyways, our teacher was the sweetest, cutest lady, and she was absolutely inspired by the Spirit the whole time. We followed and were taught from a talk given by Wilford W. Andersen titled, The Music of the Gospel. (READ IT if you haven't already). It is so easy to obey the commandments like a to-do list. However, those are just the dance steps. It starts to change our lives, when we are guided and learn to listen to the music. The music is the Spirit. It is the Spirit that guides, comforts, and protects us. It is the burning, undeniable testimony we can build for ourselves. Elder Andersen said, "Even when performed well, the music will not solve all of our problems. There will still be crescendos and decrescendos in our lives, staccatos and legatos. Such is the nature of life on planet earth."

Life may never be easy, in fact it might just get harder, but no matter what, we will be "dancing" our way through it, however it is my hope that we can do so listening to the music. The Lord is one really cool guy. I am grateful for the testimony I have of Him, and for the opportunity I have had to grow closer to Him this past week. I am grateful for the gospel, and blessing it is in my life. I am excited for all the adventures and changes ahead. Life is so SO good.

xoxo,
ellie d.

"Come What May and Love It"

Ever since childhood, I would dream and fantasize about being a big girl and doing big girl things. And well, that day is here. I moved away from home, to a place I know nothing about. I don't know anyone, which sometimes makes me feel like I don't even know anything at all. To say the least, it's hard to be away from my parents. It's hard not to be surrounded by people who love you, and in a place you love. It's hard making a single room your whole home. It's hard paying $1.50 to do my laundry. It's hard buying so many things just to stay alive. It's hard. So much of being a big girl is hard. It is absolutely nothing what I thought nor hoped it would be.

I have so many emotions that I feel almost no emotion... and I have yet to decide if that's a good thing or a bad thing. There have been countless hard goodbyes but already so many perfect hellos. I'm scared of it all being so hard. I'm scared of not doing well in school. Most of all, I am scared of being so far away from my parents, my family, and my Austin. If I think too hard, or be scared too much, it gets the best of me. Because every other emotion is excitement. I am excited to start a whole chapter of life, and to learn all about a whole new place. I am excited to meet so many new people. I am excited to start school, and to learn again. I am excited to learn new things about myself, and those around me. Most of all, I am excited to go to church. I am excited to go somewhere that I know is the same as home.

So much of me is scared, yet so much of me is excited. But most of all, I know this is where I should be, and this is what I should be doing. I know that my Savior has a plan for me. I know that He lives, and that He loves me. And for now, that is enough. It is MORE than enough.

I believe in embracing every moment, and every stage of life we are in. I believe in doing what makes us happy, and glad that we are alive. I look forward to what is ahead and for where I might go. I am happy, and I am alive. And so it begins... "Come what may and love it."

xoxo,
ellie d.